Six become four

Today Andrew and Lis were to leave us to go home, but before that, Andrew and I completed the HI parkrun.

We were cheered around the 2 lap route by the rest of the family. It was my first as a ‘tourist’ and what a place to do it.

We went for breakfast after our efforts and I probably undid all my good work!

My time came through and it was sub 50, which as I walked the whole route and with the heat, I was very happy with, and to see Andrew’s name there too was fantastic!

All too soon was the time I least like -saying goodbye. My intention to be brave and not cry never quite happens. I thought as we see them again relatively soon it would be ok, but no. In my head I can rationalise to be happy with having seen them, not dwell on not, but my heart seems to have a life of its own! ❤️

Returning to the apartment it was a bit quieter, and the remaining four made plans for the remaining few days.

Trip to the beach, walk around and watch some RLWC2017 was itinerary for the remainder of today.

Nina and Jay went back to one tree hill to watch the sunset, whilst Kevin and I ordered dinner.

I managed a few sunset shots whilst waiting.

Andrew and Lis returned home safely and were met by Bella their cat with meows of delight!

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Paddle boards, palms and a puffer fish…

Here we are on a paradise island, with some of the people I love most, and I have had the fog descend on me.

I have thought I could ‘just get over it’, but I have noticeably withdrawn. There is no rhyme or reason per se, but the kids noticed it.

After our beach trip this morning we returned back to our apartment for lunch, and I find myself crying. After a little while I get up to go for a walk to try and shake this off, and Georgina insists on coming with me.

It’s very hot and we shared how we felt: I have to learn to talk more about how i’m feeling, I have to remember people are not mind readers. I have written before about the ‘fog’, I can see it, others can’t, but they see the different, withdrawn person, who doesn’t engage.

I think I’m hiding it well, obviously I’m not.

We all went for a walk to the beach at low tide, and a couple of more conversations were had. I have been blown away with their kindness, concern and very proud of them all.

Walking through the sea lapping around our ankles, seeing fish , crabs, sea snails, with the level rising up to our waists, I almost trod on a Ray! A little further out and a with a helping hand the level dropped away again.

I suppose in some ways this is an analogy of how I can feel on occasion.

The walk was spontaneous, and all the more enjoyable for that. It also brought back memories of Maldon, Cornwall and Lunan Bay.

These moments are precious and I need to be less anxious, and not over think too much and just enjoy the present.

We all visited a local pool, to relax and drank overpriced strawberry daiquiris!

We prepared dinner at the apartment, where Lis shared with us her vegetarian journey and it has spurred me on to have at least on meat free day a week.

We watched the bats 🦇 fly over to their evening stomping grounds.

<<<<<<<<<<<
peace with myself and I hope that I will be able to articulate more quickly how I feel when the fog descends.

Time flies and you find that your children have grown into sensitive, caring adults. How lucky are we. We have a few days left together until next year, so I have to make the most of that!

World mental health awareness day….

I don't know what it is about this time of year, but I always seem to have a dip in my mental state.

Is it the end of summer?
Is it the darker nights?
Is it the colder weather?
Is it the tank running low?

Any of or none of the above, I just don't know.

Whatever it is, my mood changes, normally associated with a bout of illness, so I guess a beleaguered immune system plays a part.

I try so hard to be all things to all people, I expect too much of myself and others. I never learn……

The face is painted on, the smile too and away I go, doing the same, expecting a different outcome and guess what I get the same results!!!

Don't get me wrong, I have so much to be thankful for, a home, family, and great friends. I enjoy myself and in the main I am happy, but then this black fog descends and I just want to run away and hide, but I can't hide from myself….

So I talk to myself, usually on my way home from work and Kevin is brilliant in supporting me through it, and little by little the fog recedes until the next time.

At school today I tweeted #inyourcorner for mental health awareness day especially for young people, in particular young men, who keep their worries etc close to their chests.

Don't be fooled by what's presented on the outside, take time to listen.

Anyone, at anytime can be affected. I know who's in my corner. Do you?

Two weeks in

Well that's two weeks of the Academic year gone

Time just goes so quickly. The start is always frenetic, but this year with the sixth form building project 5 weeks overdue, and possibly another 5 week delay, it's even more so.
Balls in the air trying to ensure all is in place, whilst preparing for a HR audit, a GDPR audit and the ICE visit.

Satisfyingly, things are taking shape, and I feel a real sense of pride. I have had such great support from a Governor, who has been with me every step of the way: we had a shared vision and it has been a delight!

Today provided another boost to my mood with a visit to a brand designer. It is such a fillip to meet people so energised, so full of ideas, a passion for change and to feel 'yes, that hits the nail on the head'!

I walked back to work from the meeting, full of hope, it was a lovely sunny morning, and a dear colleague, celebrating her birthday, had left a cupcake on my desk

Yummy!

We have student art work on the walls and this is being updated and I particularly like one which is in the style of Katherine Jebb. So wonderful to enjoy their talents and achievements.

All in all a great start and long may the positivity remain!

Getting older…

Over the last few months, probably three years, I have struggled with fatigue, weight gain, changes in vision, and most recently tinnitus. 


I have had medication for high blood pressure for 18 years and for an under active thyroid for 7 years.


A few weeks ago I decided to make changes. A trip to the doctor means a blood test today-joy!


More frightening has been BP readings twice a day for a week. Erratic and too high. These have been given to the doctor  so with the blood test results should give a clearer picture.

Opticians and dentist yesterday and my eyes may be being effected by my medical conditions! Tishbapoo!


I have started to monitor what I’m eating and a conscious effort to walk more. This can’t be a fair weather change either. So far I’ve lost 6lbs, but a fairway still to go to feel comfortable. 

This getting older is a state of mind and I will do all I can to keep me healthy and to enjoy my life as I reach the grand age of 56! Although the morning aches and pains take longer to dissipate, I intend to grab what is ahead of me and enjoy to the fullest! Making small changes can make a big difference. 😉💕💕