Paddle boards, palms and a puffer fish…

Here we are on a paradise island, with some of the people I love most, and I have had the fog descend on me.

I have thought I could ‘just get over it’, but I have noticeably withdrawn. There is no rhyme or reason per se, but the kids noticed it.

After our beach trip this morning we returned back to our apartment for lunch, and I find myself crying. After a little while I get up to go for a walk to try and shake this off, and Georgina insists on coming with me.

It’s very hot and we shared how we felt: I have to learn to talk more about how i’m feeling, I have to remember people are not mind readers. I have written before about the ‘fog’, I can see it, others can’t, but they see the different, withdrawn person, who doesn’t engage.

I think I’m hiding it well, obviously I’m not.

We all went for a walk to the beach at low tide, and a couple of more conversations were had. I have been blown away with their kindness, concern and very proud of them all.

Walking through the sea lapping around our ankles, seeing fish , crabs, sea snails, with the level rising up to our waists, I almost trod on a Ray! A little further out and a with a helping hand the level dropped away again.

I suppose in some ways this is an analogy of how I can feel on occasion.

The walk was spontaneous, and all the more enjoyable for that. It also brought back memories of Maldon, Cornwall and Lunan Bay.

These moments are precious and I need to be less anxious, and not over think too much and just enjoy the present.

We all visited a local pool, to relax and drank overpriced strawberry daiquiris!

We prepared dinner at the apartment, where Lis shared with us her vegetarian journey and it has spurred me on to have at least on meat free day a week.

We watched the bats 🦇 fly over to their evening stomping grounds.

<<<<<<<<<<<
peace with myself and I hope that I will be able to articulate more quickly how I feel when the fog descends.

Time flies and you find that your children have grown into sensitive, caring adults. How lucky are we. We have a few days left together until next year, so I have to make the most of that!

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World mental health awareness day….

I don't know what it is about this time of year, but I always seem to have a dip in my mental state.

Is it the end of summer?
Is it the darker nights?
Is it the colder weather?
Is it the tank running low?

Any of or none of the above, I just don't know.

Whatever it is, my mood changes, normally associated with a bout of illness, so I guess a beleaguered immune system plays a part.

I try so hard to be all things to all people, I expect too much of myself and others. I never learn……

The face is painted on, the smile too and away I go, doing the same, expecting a different outcome and guess what I get the same results!!!

Don't get me wrong, I have so much to be thankful for, a home, family, and great friends. I enjoy myself and in the main I am happy, but then this black fog descends and I just want to run away and hide, but I can't hide from myself….

So I talk to myself, usually on my way home from work and Kevin is brilliant in supporting me through it, and little by little the fog recedes until the next time.

At school today I tweeted #inyourcorner for mental health awareness day especially for young people, in particular young men, who keep their worries etc close to their chests.

Don't be fooled by what's presented on the outside, take time to listen.

Anyone, at anytime can be affected. I know who's in my corner. Do you?